Possibly Broken

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -- CS Lewis

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

An Instrument Over the Telephone


I have a funny, embarrassing, amazingly wonderful story to tell.
Last week my cell phone rang, which was a new and exciting event because that obviously never happens.  I answered to hear, “Hello, you have been selected to take the following survey in order to win a free cruise to the Bahamas!”  Ahh, keep talking, automated voice!  I like the sound of this.  Miss Robot went on to ask me some dumb questions and I answered by pressing 1, 2, and occasionally 3 on my keypad.  Finally, my shining moment of success came.  She told me that I had indeed passed the survey, though I wonder what I could have done to fail it.  I had won two tickets to the Bahamas – woohoo!  Then a real voice came on and she asked me for my name.  Well, I panicked, imagining all of the horrible things these sketchy people do to me if they found me just by my name.  So naturally I blurted out, “Rachel Gomez,” who is my best friend (sorry to throw you under the bus like that Rach, love ya!)  The real voice said, “Thank you, Rachel, we will be in contact soon with the details of your free cruise.  Congratulations!”  And hung up.  I called Rachel right away, explained the situation, and warned her that the Russian Mafia could be after her and to take caution the next couple of days.  She was pretty forgiving of my little slip up.  I guess that’s one of the reasons I kind of like her a lot.
                So here I was… a week later… Tuesday, January 31st 2012.  I was walking downstairs where I left my schoolbag just as I heard my cell ringing.  I answered it just in time.  A man that I guessed was between the ages of 20-35 says, “Hello, Rachel!  My name is Scott Russell.  I am a representative of the Survey Cruise blah, blah…”  Okay, the details are a little lost in my mind.  Hardly important.  So I was thinking, Wow, poor guy, I should just tell him that I’m not interested in this cruise thing.  Or I could just let him do his job and munch on this delicious dried blueberry rice-cake molasses ball.  (My mom is into healthy food these days, which means we all are).  So I let the guy talk for a while.  He told me to stop him if I have any questions.  He had quite the speech – he told me all about where the cruise leaves and returns, what’s on the cruise, casinos and pools and blah blah.  I was kind of daydreaming and giving him a few, “Mhmm.  Interesting,” comments every now and then.  All of the sudden I got this feeling.  I recognized the feeling right away and was a little irritated.  Really, God?  Right now?  You want me to witness to some telemarketer?  You’ve got to be joking.  So I ignored it, or at least tried, but the feeling just got stronger.  I can’t describe it – it’s like something is literally tugging at your heart, which pounds faster and faster which each consideration of the crazy thing the Lord is asking you to do.  So finally, I knew what I had to do.  As Jeremiah 20:9 says, “Then I said, ‘I will not make mention of Him, nor speak anymore in His name.’  But His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, I could not.”  When the Spirit is inside of you telling you to do something, how can you say no to that?
                “Uh, actually, I do have a question,” I interrupted him as he was talking about the different features the casino has to offer. 
                “Sure, go ahead!”  his chipper voice answered.
                “Scott, if you were to die tonight, do you know where you’d go?”  Oh great, Maggie.  Go with the cliché “If you died tonight” Christian pick-up line. 
                He paused for a moment.  “Of course I do,” he said.
                “Where would you go?”
                “Heaven.”
                “How do you know?”
                “Because I’m a good person.  I go to church every week and all.”
                “How do you define a ‘good person’?”
                “Well that’s just common sense!”  He says as if I had asked him what color the sky was.
                “But I’ve been told that we all make mistakes, that we’re all sinners.”
                “Well of course we’re human.  But you’ve just gotta look back on your mistakes and feel sorry about them.  That’s enough to get into Heaven.”
                “So what about Hitler?  What if he looked back on the mistakes he made and genuinely felt sorry for them?  Would he go to Heaven, then?”
                Scott was silent for a moment.
                “Hey listen, Scott.  I know you probably think I’m crazy, but God is telling me to talk to you about this right now.  Would it be alright if you gave me a minute of your time to tell you something?”
                “Well, sure, go ahead.”  Wow, I definitely thought he was going to hang up on me there.  Okay Maggie, here’s the green light, hit that gas pedal!
                I took a deep breath and told him the Good News from start to finish.  I talked about how even what little mistake in our lifetime is a big enough blotch to keep us from God because He is so holy and perfect.  I told him that God sent His only Son to live a human life and He never sinned, and then He died so that we could all live with Him forever.  I was so hyped and pumped with adrenaline I don’t know if I was crying or laughing or just shouting at the poor guy.
                “And you know what’s crazy, Scott?  All you have to do is admit that being good enough isn’t enough!  All you have to do is believe in God and believe that Jesus is the only way to Him!  God WANTS you, Scott.  He has put it on my heart to tell you this for a reason.”  I breathed again for the first time.  I couldn’t believe that he was still listening to me.  “So Scott, do me a favor and just think about it.”
                “I will,” he said.  “Thank you, Rachel.”  I wanted to cry when he said that.  I felt like a hypocrite lying to him about my name and preaching the Gospel at the same time.  So then I decided to at least come clean about one thing.
                “And uh, I don’t think this cruise thing is actually gonna work out for me.”
                He seemed to snap back into business mode as he asked, “Why not?”   
                “Well…” just tell the truth to this guy about something, Maggie.  I chuckled, “I don’t think my parents will let me.”  And that was really the truth.
                “What?!  How old are you?”
                Now I was really embarrassed.  “Seventeen,” I admitted.
                “Oh!  Well you’re not even old enough to go on the cruise,” He sounded almost sympathetic, which was amusing to me because I didn’t really care about the cruise at all!
                I laughed, “That’s okay, I really don’t care.  But I am sorry for taking up so much of your time.”
                “Oh it’s okay, I actually get paid by the hour.  So basically I’m getting paid to listen to you talk.”
Oh great, it’s really encouraging to know that me telling you the Gospel has made such an impact on your life. 
                “Well that’s good, I’m glad I didn’t waste your time.  And Scott, guess what?”
                “What?”
                “Heaven is going to be better than a million cruises.”
                He laughed.
                “I really hope to see you there someday,” I told him.  “And I’ll be praying for you.”
                “Thanks again!” he said, and sounded genuine.  We said goodbye.
                I’ll never talk to Scott Russell again, at least in this life.  He didn’t get down on his knees crying and confess his sins over the phone.  I’ll never know if he thought I was stupid, just humorous or if he actually took me seriously.  But it doesn’t matter, because we can’t change hearts or save people on our own.  Only the Lord can do that.  I did what He wanted me to do; I obeyed the Spirit’s tugging on my heart, and that’s really all we can do.  But isn’t it wonderful to be an instrument in God’s ultimate plan?  I’d do it over again a thousand times.  

No comments:

Post a Comment